Loser Magnet

I'm a loser magnet. Every guy I've ever dated was one of those seemingly nice guys who just had bad luck with women. A genuinely nice guy who'd been crapped on by every girl he dated. Then, inevitably, I learned why. They're all losers.

And every guy I've "talked to"? Usually ends up being a guy who's attractive, has his pick of women. We have a lot in common, but he isn't quite up to my standards intellectually. Inevitably, all of these guys who've rejected me, they're jerks.

The loser pattern, though, is what interests me. In every instance, these guys have been people I've known in real life, but they always invariably tried to get to know me online instead. Red flag number one. Then there is usually talk of heartbreak, recent exes, how he just doesn't understand why women don't like him. He's a perfectly decent guy. Red flag number two. I don't know why I never had the self repsect to show these men to the proverbial door. While dating, they become emotionally needy and eventually manipulative. My relationships all end up having more red flags than a game of Minesweeper.

And they all have cheated on me in some manner. Go figure. I'm the female equivalent to the Nice Guy, and this isn't self-pity or a cry for sympathy. While I've been mixed up with some shitty people, I'm partly responsible for what happened. There'd be less of a chance of Bad Things Happening if I had Higher Standards.

So...I have a solution. It's rather tongue-in-cheek, and I'll probably never use it, but here it is: The Dungeons and Dragons of the Dating World.

Initiative: The prospective suitor gets one die if he asks me out. Bonus if he asks me in person. Penalty if he asks via the internet.
Attractiveness: He gets one die if I find anything attractive about him (automatically one di). One bonus die each for dark hair, height, nice hands, nice voice, or particularly nice eyes. No penalties for being blond or a ginger.
Hygiene: One die for appearing clean and smelling nice. Penalties for smelling bad or having overly greasy hair at DM's discretion.
Interests and Hobbies: Bonus die are awarded to potential suitors who share similar interests and hobbies as the DM. Die may be subtracted if the suitor possesses tastes that are highly unsuitable to the DM.
Notes: Other traits, interests, hobbies, and beliefs carry penalties and bonuses that are imposed or rewarded at the discretion of the DM. Severe divergence from the DM's age or opinion on politics, religion, or social behaviors may result in the potential suitor's rolling a chance die.


Now I just need a bag of die-10s.