ohgodgradschoolohgodpeopleohgodlife

I've been increasingly insecure lately, especially about my future career plans. I don't feel that I am learning anything as a "teacher candidate," and that the further I go into the program, the less prepared I feel to teach. I try telling myself that it's a completely legitimate--and wise--realization, but it freaks me out. I may not want to teach after I graduate, but I won't know for certain until my internship, by which point it would be too late for me to go straight to grad school.

That's acceptable. I shouldn't go to graduate school without getting a Real Job first. Because then I'd have two degrees...and work experience as a cashier and an unpaid internship. Woohoo.

Now people are starting to freak me out too. There's this girl who I think has a crush on me. I really don't want to have that awkward "I'm not a lesbian" conversation. Again.

And there's Coffee not-Date Guy. I asked him to get coffee with me again some time, and he brushed me off. Christ, it's Starbucks, not a marriage proposal or even asking for a real date. I'm smart, I'm cute, I'm nice. What gives? (He's only the third guy this year to brush me off like that.)

Shutting up now. The pity train is rolling to class now.